Democracy Lessons From Home

Recently, a band in which I play drums entered into one of those disagreements that must never happen via email (apparently, we are deaf to both high frequencies and good advice). Ignited by something minimal, it was in reality caused by things left unspoken and underlying, a refusal to address much larger issues that lay (somewhat) dormant. This may have a familiar ring.

The dynamics of playing in a close-knit musical group are similar to those often experienced in a romantic, two-person relationship. Naturally, there are countless differences as well; however, when dealing with the personalities of 3, 4 or even 23 members (The Polyphonic Spree, anyone), the complexities are often more pronounced. Our brick wall of personal opinion appeared while deciding upon which songs to include on an upcoming record. Three members wanted to vote one song off the record, while one member felt strongly about its inclusion. Put to a vote it was, of course, 3-1. But was this fair? Is voting the only democratic way to solve a difference of opinions?

Relying upon the political (majority) voting model, we assumed a show of hands was the only democratic way to solve our impasse. After some reflection and taking a cue from our respective marriages, we realized that our relationships at home often rely upon consensus to surmount important issues. After all, with two persons holding conflicting views voting is not much use (besides, doghouses aren't particularly comfortable).

So…that was it! No need to be unyielding holdfasts, we only needed to thoughtfully consider all opinions then decide our course. Just like at home. Best of all, this transcends beautifully the concept of ‘winners and losers’ and allowed all other outstanding concerns to be addressed and dispatched. Seems simple enough and yet so many groups, companies and couples never consider this path. What is especially interesting was that the process we found liberating is actually quite familiar to political and social scientists alike: Consensus Decision Making.

Consensus Decision Making, which can only occur within the context of democracy, is unlike a majority rule system (3 against 1 in our band’s case). The resulting process - called Consensus Democracy - will consider a diverse range of opinions in an effort to reach an agreement that satisfies all parties. We had to reach a consensus through dialogue and listen carefully to our collective and individual rationale, i.e. why the song was so essential for one and yet failed to resonate with the rest of us. I believe that this personal sharing of opinion and motivation is impossible via email. The end result was, in actuality, closer to “Discursive Democracy”, as there was more discussion than hard decision making; some trade-offs were essential to balance the divergent opinions. These trade-offs, which satisfied all parties and were formulated within the context of a collective willingness to find a solution, effectively ended our heated debate amicably. The record is due in June.

A note of caution: Please do attempt this at home.